Arses

No. 2: Haemorrhoids

Saturday, July 19th, 2008

PHARMACIST: Good morning, sir.
YOU: Ah, pharmacist. I don’t quite know how to say this, but…
PHARMACIST: You feel like someone’s jammed a splintered plank up your ringpiece?

YOU: Good heavens, how on earth did you know?
PHARMACIST: You’re wearing a dustman’s uniform. It’s clear to me that you are just another low-earning individual who has been viciously shafted [...]

No. 1: The Deep Fried Mars Bar

Saturday, July 19th, 2008

A quintessentially Scottish product that attracts derision and revulsion in equal measure. And yet, unlike the Prime Minister, the deep-fried Mars bar is also regarded with affection. Both have the power to arrest vital organs, but whilst the chocolate-and-batter treat has the same volcanic heart that beats in every devil-may-care [...]